The holidays are not easy for me. I always dread them…
It’s hard to know where we “fit”.
My family doesn’t include us in their holiday plans, Brian’s family doesn’t even contact us.
But God did bless me with a new family. One that I am so thankful for.
It’s really easy to get sad & think about what we have lost… but I am choosing to look at what we have gained.
I have an amazing husband.
He is so much more than I ever thought I could find. He loves me on my good & bad days.
We are blessed with 5 amazing children.
My in-laws are such good people..the love that they have for family & God is one like I’ve never seen.
Friends that mean the world to me & a God that loves me no matter what.
I would say… I’m pretty blessed.

I’ve had to learn a lot about forgiveness…
Almost 5 years ago I lost my husband in the line of duty.
He was shot and killed.
That left me a 28-year-old widow & if you follow my previous blogs, you know the story.

I was so angry & hated the man that took my husband. I hated his family…
I hated God for allowing it to happen.
I hate it when people come along and say God knew what he was doing and he has a bigger plan.
I honestly wanted to throat punch anyone that said something like that.
But one day… I was so tired of carrying that burden of hate and I gave it all to God.
And I did see the bigger picture.
I’m a better person, I’ve learned that it’s better to give than to receive. I’ve been able to look at others that have lost someone & tell them… “you will make it… you will be okay. Not today or tomorrow… but one day you will be okay.”
We’ve held 2 blood drives & saved many lives. And we had a church built in Cameroon Africa.
So I can finally say… God did have a bigger plan. He needed Brian so he could save more lives.

I can’t promise you that I’m perfect… in fact, I am far from it.

This year for the holidays, I challenge you to “forgive”.
Forgiveness could mean closing and or reopening chapters. Mend some fences.
It could mean that you have to be the bigger person & let things go.

At the end of the day… it will make you a better person.

You may not understand “why” but once you let that anger & hurt go. You will experience a peace like no other. 
I hope you have a Merry Christmas & ask that you pray for God to guide me on my next chapter.
I’ve been asked to write a book & share my story.. as my story is much deeper than losing Brian. As I’m starting Part 2 in my book I look for guidance.
I want Gods will & if it’s meant to be… it will be!

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